A Night By My Self
(Wrote in 2004)
It was dark and lazy; the air was cold and the wind was singing a melody to those sound asleep. Whether they would ever know this, I would never know for bed feels like a better invitation. Yet I stood fighting all odds, my bed looking a better companion than ever. Here don’t mistake me for a half-crazy man sharing his night with the wind and dark chilly aura but a man forced by conniving higher echelons – doomed for a full night’s rest by the desk. Here I was destined to go through the pages of small printed alphabets which at that time seemed no more. To be clear I had to finish more than a few dozen pages on ‘Distributed Computing’ whose very thought disturbs me till date What makes it strange is when you know you are the single lone person scanning through the pages, trying to comprehend – when all your friends had been enslaved into the bed – some by knowledge, and some by an age-old trick. Of course, there are this ‘know-it-all’ who had slept earlier than usual and those ‘bad-guys’ who had left the race believing that tomorrow will find its mischievous ways. I would also mention of the ‘poor guys’ who had left it before they had started it. Whatever be it I was a loner with a dearer bed and a dreaded book.
It was miraculous I would say because suddenly from somewhere a new thought darted in. It said “Hey why don’t you go out and take a break”. I walked out and suddenly a new dimension struck me. Here I was trying to comprehend few words of Latin and Greek written by some crazy fellow, who was telling me things that held no meaning to me and out there I was standing and watching the stars, watching their glow, feeling comfortable in their presence, watching time and space and the whole universe in front of me. More than anything else I was learning it on my own – what if there were aliens in the sky, how large would the stars be. Wouldn’t it deserve more attention? I was struck by the enormity of the difference – the difference between few black letters and the big old stars – unimaginably large and vast and old. So, what was I doing getting stuck to those few pages believing that was all to me at least for tomorrow? Weren’t there beautiful galaxies to ponder over, stars living to tell you a tale. How many unnoticed eyes may have fallen on me?
But sadly, I was called back to reality – the brute fact that an exam lay ahead of me and I was one of the least equipped. I walked back to my room – catching all I could from those speaking stars and the milky sky believing there would be another day – when I would sit and gaze the stars and wonder at nature, learn from it and just be with it.
But will there be such a day. The cosy bed is a very cunning servant
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FOOTNOTE: I wrote it at 3 AM in the night before the Distributed Computing semester exam in the college. I had not studied anything and had lot of small print on pages and pages of photostat to cover.
But luckily i passed by writing my own version of answers (stories) 🙂
Visit To Sabarimala
(Wrote in 2006 – Idea seeded by a friend)
Anil was a manual worker. He was working in Bombay for a construction company. He was into his early 40’s. He had a rough life. Working as a manual worker is not easily. You have to sometimes carry whole loads of cement or bricks or had to carry out tasks that squeeze down calories under the scorching sun. He also had a family which consisted of his wife and a daughter.
It was six months since he had met up his family. He intended to go and meet them. But this time it was different. He was HIV positive. He had come to know about this a month ago. He didn’t know how it had happened. He used to have relationships with many other female workers. “It is not news to have sex with other woman especially when he met his family only twice a year” he used to say to himself after he had done it. He would then light a beedi and remain awake for hours in night.
This time it was different. He was carrying an infectious virus in his body. He could not tell his wife he was infected – had been had other women in his life. What if she asks for sex? He was afraid. He had never used condoms while performing with her. If he used it then he doubted whether she would be suspicious.
The general compartment was hot and carried many more passengers than it could hold. It was in the train journey back home that an idea struck him – “What if he visits Sabarimala”. He had around a month of leave. He could tell he was observing austerities and was in middle of it. “He could also get some grace from God” he thought
Kerala is a land of temples and one of the best places for pilgrimage was Sabarimala, high up in the Sahyadri Mountains (Western Ghats). There one could visit Lord Ayyappa. It is believed that “Parasurama Maharshi” who retrieved Kerala from the sea by throwing his axe, installed the idol of Ayyappa at Sabarimala to worship Lord Ayyappa
Pilgrimage starts from November and ends in January. Certain customs are to be strictly observed if one has to undertake a pilgrimage to Sabarimala. A pilgrim attending the Mandalapooja should observe austerities for 41 days. During this period, the pilgrim should abstain himself from non- vegetarian habits and cardinal pleasures.
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It was on a Saturday that he reached Thrissur, his home place. There he caught the bus and reached home. His wife was waiting for him – bathed and with jasmine flowers encircling the ball of hair. She had cleaned the whole house and had made it look like new. The daughter who was ten was waiting eagerly for her father and the gift he would bring. He had brought two pairs of new dresses for his daughter.
“How was the trip” his wife Lakshmi asked.
“The trip was extremely tiresome” he replied without much hesitation
“Why so much beard. You haven’t shaved for many days”
“No, I intend to go to Sabarimalla for visiting Lord Ayyappa.” he responded unknowingly passing his fingers over his unshaven face
“Oh, that’s good” she replied. “So, you must be observing austerities I suppose” she replied a bit disappointed.
She had waited for him to arrive and had cooked non-vegetarian food to celebrate his arrival. Also, that meant no sex, not that she was very much interested in it.
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It was almost 20 days since he was observing austerities. He was shocked to hear the news. Her daughter met an accident. The school bus she was traveling on had hit another private bus. The casualties were high. The passengers were rushed to the hospital. His child was critical and needed blood. He was shell shocked. His daughter had a rare blood group and he was carrying it.
“Anil, they want your blood” Lakshmi spoke
“Our child is critical”
“Why don’t you speak anything?”
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How can he tell his wife that he was HIV positive, he was unfaithful to her? Also, what reason can he give to tell her their child could not have his blood? He stood there helpless
A Girl Named Sreeja
(Wrote in 2002)
“To the notice of travellers, train number three eight three from Trivandrum to Ernakulam via Kottayam will be leaving platform number three shortly”
“Yathrikom Dyan Kigiye …”
“What you don’t have change for fifty rupees. My train is leaving shortly. Check your pockets”
“This is such a big problem. People like you create all kinds of troubles for auto drivers like us. People like you don’t allow auto drivers to live peacefully. Take the balance for the fifty. To create difficulty …” the driver gave back the change with much disdain
Without waiting to hear his words Kamal took his bag and rushed to platform. This was the last day of his season ticket – his last ride – his farewell ride to this city and his faces.
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“Roll number twenty-eight, how does amplifier work” Like a thunderbolt the question flashed in front of Kamal’s pen
“I am asking to you only. How does the amplifier work?”
“Sir I don’t know”
“What, you don’t know. Today the whole class was about it. After hearing the whole Ramayana, you are asking who Sita is. Are you in this world? You were scribbling so much in your book. Look it up and answer”
Kamal looked down at his notebook. He looked at the beautiful face he had drawn and then gave a sigh
“I haven’t written anything”, he replied.
“You must have written something. Read it out” the voice said showing displeasure and anger
“Sir I haven’t written anything”
“What you haven’t written anything. Bring me the book. I had seen you writing something”
Kamal stood there unable to decide. Suddenly he threw the book out of the window through the bars
Whatever happened then was better unsaid. First his Sir, then the principal, then his suspension for a day – everything came and went as a flash. Luckily his parents were not called, otherwise poor mother …
He had done everything for her – only for her. This was happening for the first time. No teacher had ever complained him. But today …
“Drawing faces are your weakness, then why don’t you draw mine” Reena told Kamal
“My ink is not for drawing everyone’s face. There is something known as features. Not all faces have them. Only if I see them can I draw” he replied naughtily
“I am upset with you. You needn’t talk to me” Reena told as if she was upset
“Then don’t speak”
“So, you are planning to escape without drawing my face. Kamal I am serious draw my face”
“Ok, but you should treat me”
“Oh, a big artist” she replied sarcastically. ” I have come to know about the secret behind that book. We teased her a lot. She cried”
“Whom are you speaking about, say clearly?”
“Oh, I don’t know anything. She is not that type. Will you tell me the truth if I ask you?”
“No, I won’t” he replied naughtily
“Are you in love with her?”
“What are you asking Reena? I haven’t even talked to her. You and your sex are not to be believed”
“So, you don’t like her?”
“She is just my classmate, that’s it”
“But I know you have fallen in love. I am not seeing you for the first time”
“Go girl I am leaving”
During class hours without any ones notice Kamal has drawn how many pictures? How many times has he drawn the face of the passengers in front of him? But he never had that satisfaction. Something was always missing on those faces. Someone’s face had a lack of dreams, some had the lack of emotion and these were they looked engraved for someone else… for someone unknown. However beautifully if captured still there was something lacking in it. Something missing, Kamal felt tired of his life
“Kamal you came to know, Sreeja is coming new to class”
“Which Sreeja?”
“How many Sreeja do you know? She got transfer. She is good looking.”
“So, what”
Kamal was always like this. He speaks very little but his thoughts are fully occupied in drawing. But there is something special about him – maybe it is his art. He has drawn many a face but he had never fallen in love. Among girls he talks to Reena and one or two others. Not that he doesn’t want, it is that he can’t. Reena will come to him to talk. She is a good girl. She is already engaged. At her marriage I will draw her pictures and give it to her as a present he thought.
It was for Sreeja that he had thrown the book out of the window. He didn’t want any of his classmates to know. But they recovered the book and also each Sreeja in those pages
Sreeja comes from Kottarakkara. She is the youngest member in her family, most beloved. She is like Kamal – talks very little. Her eyes tell a story of dreams. The good and ills of life touch her very quickly. She is a poor little girl – a girl who loves to kiss goodbye to the stars at midnight, a girl who loves the flowers of autumn, a girl who likes to run in the rain, a girl who loves to sleep in the winter. She is a girl who waits eagerly for her lover keeping all her love pure.
“What if I go and tell sorry to Sreeja” he thought
Kamal is like this. He will never let himself hurt anyone. He is a person who has known pain … death of his father then his brother. Otherwise, why should he leave apportion of his money from paintings for the street children
Kamal what is your problem Today there is a nice movie. We will cut the class”
“You are talking to the wrong guy. He will be the last person to cut the class”
Everyone knows Kamal won’t cut his class. Not that he doesn’t want to. But how can he spend all his money which mother gives for movies. He has a younger brother and sister to take care of
“You go. Is Sreeja hurt?”
“We don’t know. If you want to know, you go and ask. She is very sensitive she may cry”
In the evening Kamal stood in front of the way where Sreeja goes to hostel. “He should say sorry and if possible, befriend her” Kamal thought. He had cut the last hour. He wanted to wait before she goes. It was almost one hour since. He saw Sreeja walking with her friends. There were many friends. Some of them were his classmates.
“Sreeja, I want to tell you something. Can you come with me?”
“If it is something you can tell here you say” she replied
“Sreeja we are leaving” her friends responded
“You all wait I am coming”
“Sreeja I am very sorry. I did a wrong thing. Please forgive me. We can become friends”
“You need not tell me anything. Aren’t you ashamed to draw the pictures of other girls? I hate you. You should not come to me with this subject again” She started to sob
“You can tell anything you want. You can punish me in whatever way. What I did was wrong. I am sorry I am leaving. I won’t bother you again.”
Kamal walked away – lazily, tired of this life. There were only losses in his balance sheet. He felt a big hole in him. He wanted to cry his heart out. She was the first girl he had loved, the last one he thought. What if he drank some toddy? For the first time in his life, he ate Kappa, fish and arrack
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“Da Kamal you have phone” his friends waked him from his sleep. “What was the time”, Kamal thought? Sun had already disappeared. Full moon was on the horizon. “It must be from home”, Kamal thought
“Kamal today I behaved very rudely. I am sorry I should not have behaved that way. My friends criticized me for what I had done. I felt much pain that’s why I talked like that. I am sorry for the way I have talked”
“Sreeja I should not have drawn your picture, that too without your permission. Can’t we forget everything? Can’t we be friends, just friends?”
“Yes friends, only good friends”
“I will never hurt Sreeja” he promised himself. “I will never use her innocent friendship for his secret desire to love her. They will be good friends, always” He loved her that much
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Spring is the season of love. That was a Monday – that was the day they discovered a secret – that they were very much in love. Was it the climate or friend’s wedding that led to the truth they never know?
“You came to know it is Ranjini’s marriage. We girls are all going. You guys are coming”
“Everyone is getting married. Sreeja when is your marriage?”
“That, well that is after Kamal gets a good job and comes to my house and ask my hand”
“You like me so much”
“Very much Lots and lots”
“Even I am deeply in love with you”
“That means”
“That means we are in love. Do you recollect when we fell in love. Not today I am sure”
“Someday Kamal I can’t recollect”
“I only know one thing. Without anyone’s notice without even our knowledge it had slowly approached us”
“I am afraid, Kamal”
“Even I am afraid, Sreeja. If you fall in love with me you will have to be sad. I have told you the problems of my house”
“How can you ever tell something like that to me. Will you ever leave me?”
“I can never leave you. Never”
Months passed into years. They celebrated many an autumn together. But …
“Kamal, I have got a proposal for marriage. What should I do?”
“Sreeja your father will never allow marriage between us. Can you come with me?”
“Kamal, I love my dad and mom. I have two younger sisters. But I cannot think of marrying anyone else”
“What should I do Sreeja? I hope I was rich. Otherwise, I hope you were born in some hut”
Sreeja’s eyes started flooding. She started sobbing. Kamal took her to his chest and prayed God never to separate them
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Exams were over- the last day of college. Everyone was saying goodbye to everyone – the day when many a love birds will be separated. Kamal and Sreeja stood in a corner and shared the sorrow of separation
“Kamal I will wait for you. You have got a job. You should work hard. You should clear all debts and come along with your family to my dad and ask my hand for marriage.”
“Sreeja you should not wait for me. You will get a good boy… someone who is rich and handsome”
“But I want you and only you”
“You will get many guys like me. People who will and can love you more than me”
“I will wait for you believing you will come one day”
“Sreeja I am giving this to you. This was the picture I drew when I first saw you. Then memories of the suspension, of all the good times we had together. You should keep this safe just as a token for memory”
“Sreeja, yes, it is the old notebook. I got it back from my friends and I kept it safe”
“If you love me so much, can’t you take me? I will wait for you”
“No Sreeja, I don’t believe myself. For me life is a game there can be losses in it. I love you very much. Not just in this life but in a thousand more lives to come. Don’t wait for me. You should fly like a butterfly. You should enjoy life. Without these I will hate you”
Kamal kept the book beside the window. Leaving her, her words, her sobbing he walked back the stairs down. He couldn’t look back at her – he felt his whole body weak
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Train came to a halt suddenly. Kamal woke up from his dreams. Goodbye to the city of Trivandrum and the faces it has given and also to the girl called Sreeja – a mixture of happy and sad memories
“I will wait” the words that were heard between her sobs as he walked down the stairs …
Kamal had given much thought and decided about her. She was a girl who was born and brought up in all luxury. Why should she sacrifice her life waiting for him? When will he pay all his debts and start life anew? When can a marriage occur with the consent of her parents? What if life enslaved him?
He had told her all these thoughts, but the words she told when he walked down the stairs
Life was a high hurdle. Will she be there once he clears them? “To think she would be there itself was wrong” he told himself. Let gods give her all happiness. And then this everlasting love is a story that artists and movies have made out. He kept all his desires and entered the train
Far away, miles away in man’s nature to forget with the wheels of time, in a period where relations mean words will the girl named Sreeja wait with a confidence which her lover itself has never given?
A Kiss To Moonlight
(Wrote in 2000)
CHARLES WANDERED IN SOLITUDE. Night had slipped in and he kept walking aimlessly. How could providence sneak in with such a twist of life? He was rich, handsome, and well-mannered and of course had a girl of his dreams but… He kissed moonlight one last time
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It was a valentine’s day. Love was on the air. He had gone to rent a book – Love Story, a book written by Erich Segal. There was just one book in the stands and before he could place his hands on it, a girl early in her youth had hers on it.
“Do you mind if I have it” she asked with an apologizing smile
“Sure, you can” he replied out of sheer courtesy. He wished with all his heart he had it.
“Can you inform once you finish reading it. I will collect it as soon as you return. I don’t want it to change hands before I have mine”
“Sure. Can I have your mobile number” she enquired
“9846854122 and my name is Charles” he replied
“Nancy. Nice meeting you” she gave her hand
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A day had just passed and the mobile ranged. Charles received the call.
“Is it Charles?” a female voice enquired
“Yes speaking. Who is this?”
“This is Nancy. I have finished reading the book- Love Story. I am intending to return it in the evening”
“What time?” Charles enquired
“Around Five” Nancy replied
“I would be there and how was it”
“Excellent” Nancy sounded enthusiastic
Charles collected the book after Nancy returned it to the librarian. Charles had felt an attraction for this girl; after all she was beautiful and had the same taste as far as the book was concerned.
‘What a handsome fool. He probably would never meet her’ Charles thought
Charles decided to take the risk. ‘What had he to lose’ he thought
“Can you give me your phone number; I mean if you don’t mind?”
“Oh sure” Nancy replied
“9153145877” Nancy continued
Charles scrambled for a paper. At last, he found refuge in an old note from his wallet. He had forgotten to take his mobile. She carried a pen in her leather bag.
It was while reading the book that an idea struck Charles – ‘Why don’t I ask Nancy for a date. She was sweet and adorable. My dream girl’
But Charles had never asked a woman out. He felt shy and ashamed for being that. But he brushed aside his incompetence and searched for the note. He couldn’t find the note.
‘Had he given it at the grocery shop?’ he questioned himself.
He changed his clothes and rushed to the nearby grocery shop
“I had given a note to you in the morning. It contained an important address. Can I have it? I would replace it.” Charles asked
“It may have changed hands. There are stacks of notes. I don’t think I could let you do that” shop owner replied
Charles left disappointed. ’How could he do this to himself? He should have taken good care of the note. At least he should have written it somewhere else’ he scolded himself
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Suddenly his mobile rung
“Is it Charles?”
“Yes, Charles is on”
‘I want to ask you out. Do you mind?” Nancy’s familiar voice appeared
‘Wow what a girl!’ he thought
“I was going to ask the same question to you. But I misplaced your phone number”
“Well great let’s meet at A La Planche at 7 PM sharp”
“Sure”
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The candle sprayed golden rays towards them. They had their eyes locked. Their eyes were speaking more words than what they could have talked in an hour. They were having a candle light dinner.
“So, what made you think I would fall for your suggestion for dinner” I interrupted
“You are single, have eyes that understand love, heart that loves romance”
‘Oh really” Charles smiled
There was something enchanting. Maybe it was her physique, maybe her soothing voice, maybe her ability to act her heart out. Maybe she had a smaller cerebrum.
“What are you doing?” Nancy asked
“I am doing major in electronics but now doing my bachelors in romance” Charles answered
“So cute; I am doing Journalism”
They continued conversing and it required the restaurant manager to inform that the restaurant was closing to part them
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One day one morning, when day swept the darkness and the sun lifted its head; it saw; it’s the season of love. Its heart bled and life flooded up. Half asleep half-awake it saw a handsome man meeting a beautiful woman with hearts beating like cannons shots…It understood waves of time had passed – its season of love
It was spring – a time for love. Love bound more couples than ever. Even nature was in love with itself. Flowers bloomed and fruits mellowed. They met each other more fervently than ever.
“You know I can’t spend a day without talking to you. But with studies we can’t meet every day’
‘Then you should do one thing: AT NIGHT LOOK AT THE MOON AND REMEMBER MY FACE. THEN YOU WILL SEE ME SPEAKING TO YOUR HEART”
“I will surely do. But not only that I will kiss you goodnight”
“So how should this set forth” Charles asked
“What?” Nancy lovingly asked
“Our love story”
“Providence can only tell” Nancy smiled but she was flirting
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They had written their love story. There was no providence but just two of them. They had married – Perfect end to a fairy tale. They had their wedding photo framed on the wall.
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It was five months since their marriage. Nancy had not returned. Charles felt a sense of alarm. She had gone to the college.
He had a call on his mobile. We got your number from the diary.
“I am sorry. Your wife, I suppose is critical. She met with an accident. A gas tanker had collided with her car.”
Charles rushed to the hospital. There Nancy was lying with strange tubes and machines.
“I love you very much. I don’t think I will meet you again. If you want to talk to me look at the moon and speak to me. I will be waiting there” That was her last words
Nancy lay unconscious. A narrow thread held her to life.
“Only a miracle could save her” Doctor responded. Charles left the hospital with his heart pleading to all Gods for her
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Charles wandered in solitude. Night had slipped in and he kept walking aimlessly. How could providence sneak in with such a twist of life? He was rich, handsome, and well-mannered and of course had a girl of his dreams but… He kissed moonlight one last time
He could never marry again. Five months with her looked like a lifetime. Those memories would last for a lifetime. That touch of her hair, words they had spoken together, that soothing kiss was enough to spend rest of his lifetime even in hell. But what about the child he could never see?
First Love
(Wrote in 2006)
IT WAS ALMOST ELEVEN YEARS SINCE THAT DAY.
It was night – sun had receded and stars had made their way. Joseph hadn’t gone to sleep. He was thinking of the day next. There were so many friends to meet – most of their faces changed. He had seen some faces in Orkut but there were other faces to meet. Orkut is an online portal through which you could get connected to a network of people – some of them old friends. Among the many faces he had seen in Orkut there was one face he couldn’t forget
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Joseph was studying in sixth at that time. Sheeba used to sit close to him. They used to sit at two adjacent corners of two blocks of benches arranged on two sides of the class for girls and boys. Her dad was in Dubai. He used to bring Sheeba foreign rubber and pencil and scale with picture changing on each angle. Joseph used to adore those things.
It was one afternoon that Joseph asked Sheeba to ask for one more set of the stationary. Sheeba told him she would give him next month when her dad came. That was how it began
Joseph was studying in Seventh. He was a mischievous boy. He went to Sheeba and told her ‘I love you’. Sheena overreacted and hit him on his face and took her footwear and ran to hit him. Joseph ran away and escaped.
Next day he told this to Viju and Rony. They told him not to leave the issue. They would have their revenge. So next day they chewed a bubble-gum and sticked it onto the bench where Sheeba used to sit. As usual Sheeba sat on the bench and the bubble gum stuck to her skirt. She walked at recess and everyone laughed at the bubble-gum-stuck girl. So, they had their revenge and she cried.
Later she went and told the Madam about it. The teacher caught the miscreants and asked them to wash the skirt and bring it back ironed. Next day Sheeba brought the bubble-gum-stuck skirt for Joseph to wash – and washed it was.
Friendship between Joseph and Sheeba started with such a story. They used to spend time together laughing, fighting and spending time together. A good friendship had laid its sapling there between them. The school had only classes till seventh. So that year end tearfully they bid farewell to each other
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It had been eleven years since that day. Joseph still remembered that bubble-gum-stuck girl and Sheeba the bubble-gum-sticking boy. Joseph wanted to meet the girl. So he decided to organize a meeting of old friends. Thus started the preparations for an old student’s reunion
That night he thought of Sheeba. She had grown into a beautiful girl. He had seen her in Orkut, so he had no doubts to how she would look. He had also talked to her couple of times through phone for inviting her to the reunion. But seeing her directly was a different thing.
That night he thought of Sheeba. Will she come for tomorrow’s reunion? He had no doubts about that. He thought what to say to her. He still adorned her. He was working in Merchant Navy. He had to go back next week. Then he would be in Merchant Navy. Then he would be in the ship for couple of months. Whatever he had to say he had only a couple of days to do – primarily on the reunion day. What would he ask her? He had talked about her to his family. They were both of the similar religion, similar kind of families – so his family did not have any worries about her. They had approved it.
Joseph looked at her photo in Orkut and the seventh-class photo. She had changed a lot. But then he had also changed. He was a bit worried. What if she declined? Already some of his classmates who helped him in organizing the reunion had started teasing him based on the old story. What if she declined? He would look like a fool in front of the whole bunch of students.
It was Rony again who had come to rescue. He had privately told him regarding his plan and his worries.
“Why don’t you arrange the meeting on April first? That way you can propose and if it fails then say it is an April fool joke played by you”
‘Great idea he thought’
‘So, tomorrow was the April fool’s day and he would go would go and formally propose. If she accepted, he would bring his family in picture and would ask her family her hand through his parents’, he decided
It was the D-day. Today he would propose. He bathed and wore a cool dress, sprayed some perfume and went to the party. He went early because he was one of the organizers. There she came. He met her and escorted her to the party. He had taken the car to escort her back home.
The party was a big high. People were meeting each other’s after long 11 years. He was awestruck by the response. There was lot of new faces to meet. Everyone recollected their old stories. There was laughter, joy and lot of teasing.
It was after lunch that he called on Sheeba.
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“Can I talk to you personally for some time” he asked her
“Sure” she replied
“You remember the old days”
“You mean the day I slapped you and the bubble-gum story” she enquired
“Yes” he replied
“I called you to propose. I have adorned you all these years. I want to marry you. I will ask my parents to formally propose you. That is if you don’t mind” he showed his mind
There was a long sigh
“That is if you don’t mind” he continued
“I also like you. Today I will ask my parents” she replied
“Hey what are you doing there?” “It’s been a long time.” “Are you proposing?” comments had started coming from others
They parted
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“What were you doing there with Sheeba”, in the evening after all girls had left some of the guys asked
“Is it the old story?” others asked
“I proposed her. She will ask her parents tonight and if they agree I intend to ask her hand formally through my parents” John replied
“Are you really serious?” one of the astonished friends asked
“Yes, I am “John replied
“I hope we have a bigger party next time” old friends congratulated him.
Let My Angel Fall
(Wrote in 2006)
“LET MY ANGEL FALL”. IS IT WRONG TO WISH SO, IS IT WRONG?
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It was the class of 11 and Rahul was new to the school. It was there that he met Suja. Suja had been studying in this school since its inception. She was a quiet character who put her whole energy and devotion for studies. On the other hand, Rahul was mischievous and smart. He devoted most of his time for making friends, meeting new people and traveling.
Rahul had never fallen in love – he had lot of girlfriends but never anyone special. He lived his routine life without falling in love and it was interesting since most of the boys in his age had girlfriends.
New school had new surprises and Suja was the biggest of them. She was very beautiful and could turn anyone heels up. But she never cared. Her only devotion was to studies and she topped most of the subjects. She had a good head on her shoulders and had been preparing for IIT entrance exam.
IIT or Indian Institute of Technology is one of the foremost schools for technical education and the entrance for the same was very competitive. Many students start preparing even as early as 8th standard. Suja was one of them.
When Rahul joined the new school, the first girl he talked with was Suja. He had asked for direction to his class and she asked him to follow her. On the way they got acquainted.
It was the first day of his physics lab and both of them were in the same group. It may be a trick played by higher echelons for it was there that Rahul started noticing Suja. Suja was a fast learner and helped Rahul in the experiments. Rahul slowly started enjoying her company. Her enthusiasm and beamed face really curbed Rahul’s attention.
He did not know what to call it. It had come unaware. He longed to be in her company. He knew it was not love but still there was something miraculous happening. Tuesday and Thursday were his favourite days since it was the day for the physics lab.
Soon his friends started noticing it. They would badger him about it. They wrote her name in his books, poke fun about them but he would never admit any feeling for her.
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When they joined class 12, he had made up his mind. He would propose to her. It was at that time that one of his friends named Iqbal started liking her. Iqbal openly stated his love to Rahul and other friends.
Iqbal’s companions persuaded him to ring her up and propose her. Iqbal did so. Suja just laughed about it. Next day he called Rahul and few of his select friends and gave them a treat and told them about yesterday. They gave a toast for the budding love. Rahul joined others and wished him luck but deep in his heart he knew he had made a terrible mistake.
Iqbal was one of his best friends and had stated publicly about his love for Suja. Rahul had his chance. Rahul felt lonely, his world had turned upside down. He gulped his feelings. He decided to sacrifice his love for his friendship with Iqbal.
Suja had not responded to Iqbal’s proposal. She just laughed it away. Iqbal was disappointed and Rahul did not know what to do. He was excited at the new turnaround but Iqbal was one of his best friends and he felt proposing Suja subsequently was like betraying him. So, he hid his feelings deep inside his heart.
Finally, the school days came to an end. Rahul and Iqbal joined engineering colleges through state entrance while Suja had cracked her IIT national entrance.
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Years passed by. Iqbal got married. Suja had finished engineering from IIT Bombay. She was placed in a big firm with a hefty salary
Rahul still loved Suja and both were unmarried but she was way beyond him. He had a job, but his salary was modest compared to her pay. She had a bright future ahead of her while he had just his dreams.
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Deep in his heart he wished
“LET MY ANGEL FALL”
Then he questioned himself
“IS IT WRONG TO WISH SO, IS IT WRONG?”
Tanu
(Wrote in 1999)
MY FINGERS FROZE ON ITS TRACK. A FATEFUL QUESTION HAD BEEN LAID BEFORE ME WHEN I WAS LEAST EXPECTING IT.
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I don’t know what attracted me. There are many names – complex and simple – names which looked odd – names with digits attached to it – names which grabbed attention. I still don’t know what attracted me. I always loved the name Tanu. May be that was the reason that it caught my attention. It was simple and cute and looked authentic.
It was a cold night in December. The whole world seemed to have slept. Yes except for me and a handful of souls who were stuck up to their computers. In fact, I was in a chatting spree. I was chatting with various names – most of them a facade built up by individuals. It was there that I found this name Tanu.
“Hi” I pinged her
There was no reply. I went on chatting with others but my mind was wholly occupied with this name. It was after a long time that I saw a name which I felt was authentic.
“Hi” I pinged her again after waiting patiently for couple of minutes
“Hi” She replied
“I want to make friendship with you” I was straightforward
“Sure”. To my surprise she responded back
So, we started chatting. I asked her real name which she replied as Tanu. I asked her age. Perfect age I thought or was she playing on me. In these chat rooms you can never say whether you are talking to an 18-year-old girl or 75-year-old man. You can be anything. I myself had played many such games. I had become a 20 years old girl, a 35-year-old American, a doctor and even a church priest.
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It was during my class days I had started chatting. I saw a computer for the first time there. I was born and brought up in a village and computers hadn’t made a sway there.
“Aren’t you coming for chatting” It was my friend Rahul who introduced me to this. Those were the days in college when many heads were occupied with chatting and even, I became one of them
Months passed to years and my relation with Tanu started growing older and stronger. We would keep chatting even at mid night from the cafe. They used to keep it open just for couple of people like me. When I completed my college days, I got a job and moved to Bombay. There I had a broadband net connection and I used to hook myself to it for hours mostly talking to her. She had become an integral part to me
I would talk to her about a whole lot of things from fiction to everyday news. She knew my dreams, corners of my mind and every room in it. I used to share every thought of mine with her and I believed she did the same. Across miles love was budding up.
It was for my sister’s marriage that I had come home. She was getting married to a software engineer. The house was filled with enthusiasm. Purchases were going on. There were dresses and jewellery to be bought. Sometimes house was filled with visitors and relatives and their gossips. People had started finding new proposals for me.
It was during lunch that my mother asked me about my plans for marriage. It was what I least was expecting.
“Once your sister is married, I want you to get married”
“No mother not now. I am not ready”
“You have anyone in mind. If she is suitable, I can get you married”
How can I talk about Tanu? I haven’t even asked her about it. What a fool I am I should ask her? How good looking she was in the picture she sends me. I will ask Tanu surely
“No one is in my mind” I lied
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That night I walked to my PC with a heavy heart. I was going to propose her to her. Will she accept it, I was filled with suspense?
“Da I want to ask you a thing” I typed
“What is it?” she replied
“I want you Will you marry me” I typed
“Sorry yaar. I am not marrying type of woman I plan to remain single”
“Oh, it’s fine. I simply asked”
We went on with our usual talk
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Couple of years had passed. I was again sitting on the same dining table having lunch. My mother was sitting with me.
“You have to marry or it will be late”
“No mom I am not ready”
“You have to” she looked frustrated compelling me. But from her looks I knew how desperate she was to get me married
I bowed to her compulsion
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Today night I felt an urge to chat with Tanu. I had been recently married. So, I was devoted to my life. How can a stranger grab so much of my attention I don’t know? Yet she had become an integral real part of me. I had never talked to her about Tanu, nor had I let Tanu know that I was married. I work up and went to my computer. I kissed in air to my wife, making sure she was sound asleep and went to chat with Tanu
Then that fateful question came. I had never expected it. It had boomeranged at me. My fingers stood frozen – I was least expecting it
“Will you marry me?” her question was a shock
I took a deep breath and switched off my computer and went on to my bed. There I lay thinking at the naughty ways of providence. There had been no mistake in my mind. Tanu was my friend and I would have very much loved to have her as my wife, but I was married and I had a responsibility
I had really wanted Tanu but my duties were laid for the stranger. I decided never to chat with her. Let her never know I was married. She will be my Tanu – My first crush – my first love. Let it remain frozen that way – a sweet memory I lost. I will never tell her I was married and loose her. Yet I will never meet her. Let her be a part of my past – a friend called Tanu.
Ideal Match
(Wrote in 2000)
She was an ideal match – same religion, similar families, same college, same stream, same class and in future even same industry – everything similar but … is it fate
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The summer had passed, the college selected, the stream chosen. Was it my good luck that we were in the same class? I was an introvert and I never noticed her at the first look. It took me more than a semester to notice her and had it not for an incident I wouldn’t have ever noticed her.
It was Girls vs boys (Hum Tum). Scores fluctuated but any bystander would notice we were slowly losing hold of our fort. We were playing anthakshari, a game where one party would sing few lines of a song and the other group had to sing another song starting with the ending alphabet of the previous song. I literally spend time hearing the songs, shy to use my vocals.
The game had been going for a long time when one of the boys commented
“Hey Suraj is supporting the girls. See he does not even hum. Why don’t you join the girls?”
I was pretty embarrassed.
“What about you. You are also doing a great job helping us?” It was a well targeted sarcastic comment passed at my critic. Everyone laughed.
It was then that I noticed this sweet, bold, witty, interesting girl. She had come to my rescue.
Days passed and I started observing her and the more I observed, the more I liked her. She was no timid girl like me. She was sweet, smart and active and she was beautiful for my eyes.
I would say she was beautiful for my eyes as opinion of beauty is a matter of individual senses. Another boy would have chosen some other girl above her but nevertheless there could be no opinion that she was not beautiful. For me she was beauty in perfection. This was why I thought she was made for me.
Now I was a social disaster. I rarely talked to girls and never ever really talked to her. I would observe her wishing for some signs of interest.
Four semesters had passed and I was getting braver by day. I would skip classes, watch movies, participate in anthakshari and enjoy the college life. Love was budding all around. I decided to propose to her.
It was then that my best friend told me that shocking news. He was in love with her and he was going to propose. He was an extrovert unlike me and was much admired in friend circles. I knew I had no chance against him. There was also that moral pinch of proposing my best friend’s love. At least he had the guts to openly admit that he loved her. So, with much pain I decided to forget her. So I made a tale that I loved another girl in my hometown.
Days went by and the proposal failed but I had already floated story about the non-existent girlfriend. I later knew from my friend that she would have loved to be with him had he been of same religion. She had mentioned him that her parents won’t approve her in marrying a person from another religion and she believed in finding a boy whom her parents would accept.
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Today years have passed. I have become more mature. I have lot of girlfriends but still I can’t forget my love for that girl.
Marriage plans had been passing rounds in my home. I decided – I will ask her hand through my parents. I pinged her and chatted.
“Howdy?”, I typed.
“Doing fine What about you?” she replied
“I am fine”
“Hey are you – not marrying”, My fingers tapped the keys weaving its way for the final question.
“Yes, actually I am engaged. It’s a big love story. I am very happy”
“Great. I am also happy for you. Congrats.” It was finger muscle memory but my heart had stopped ticking.
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I should have proposed earlier. She was an ideal match – same religion, similar families, same college, same stream, same class and in future even same industry – everything similar but …
Every Single day
(Wrote in 2005)
Life is full of choices. People shy, duck, dive and hide from them. But what do you when you choose to differ?
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It was a pleasant summer – no scorching sun nor the unpleasant chill. I had walked into the park to sit and rejuvenate. It was there that I found this girl along with couple of kids. But she looked young cheerful, not old enough to have those two children. She was married, I still presumed.
“Hey Mishel, Mike come here” she called out as the kids started running circles around my wooden bench.
“Sorry for bothering you.”, she had reached near the kids.
“No, no, no. They are bothering me the least” I replied.
“They are very naughty”
“Your kids?”
“No, my elder sis’s”
‘Oh great’ I thought in my mind.
This was how we got introduced. These days we talk and frequent the park a lot.
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“Hey I wish I could marry you”, I picked the phone, dialled the number and spoke these exact words. They still echo as if it was yesterday.
“Sorry”
“Why? Don’t you like me?”
“Yes I like you. But I can’t marry you”
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I could not give up on her. Each day passed and I just could not erase her from my mind. I just couldn’t live without her. I wanted to know the reason behind her action.
“Hey I want to know something. Whether you want to marry me, it’s your choice. But still, I want to know the reason. Please, please”
She hung the phone.
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Do you want to marry a girl you love – even if it were for a few days?”
That was the choice?
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The Park looked much gorgeous than ever. She stood like a shining star. She had called me. I did not know what prompted her. Did she have some corner of love for me?
“Hey I was thinking about what you had asked last time.” she said
“Really I forgot?” I played around.
“What was it about” I continued.
“Something like about marrying me?”
“I remember” I added.
“I want to tell you something” her face was filled with sadness
“I just want to clear my conscience” she added
“You are very adorable. I would have really loved to have married you. But I have only few days to live. I am going through the last stages of cancer and doctors see no hope”
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Do you want to marry a girl you love – even if it were for a few days?”
That was the choice?
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I took my choice and I convinced her to marry me.
Today as I wake up, I don’t know she would be there to tell me how much she cares for me. I pray to Gods to give her one more day. It had been thus every single day …